DRE

Attending: Alright Mr. Smith. I’m going to check your prostate, so drop your pants and lean over on your elbows on the table there.

Patient (visibly uncomfortable0: Ohhh god…I really do not like these…do I have to?

Attending: I mean, I’m not going to make you do something you don’t want to, but it is a quick and easy way for me to check your prostate and to see if there’s any blood in your stool.

Patient: ..Ughhh…Okay…Fine…

Attending: Okay, take a deep breath in. You’re gonna feel some pressure.

Patient: Okay…< inhales deeply >

Attending: Actually wait. Stop.

Patient: ………………….

Attending (turning towards us): Medical students, tell me what the contraindications are for doing a digital rectal exam

Other M3: Uhm…anal fissures? Hemorrhoids? Lots of anal bleeding..?

Attending: Noo..

Me: Uhh..if you have no fingers or if the patient has no anus.

Attending: Yes, and, if you have no glove!!!

The three of us laugh. The patient is still butt naked, leaning over on his elbows, looking at us like he wants to kill us.

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