“You saw bed 1 right? Tell me about him, briefly”
“Sure. Bobby is a 16 year old boy who is here complaining of a large pimple on his lower back. His mom said that yesterday it started to drain bloody pus.”
“Is the boy fat?”
“So what do we call this so-called pimple?”
I blankly stare at the attending.
“I don’t know”
“Sounds like a pilonidal cyst. Read about it when you go home and discuss with me tomorrow. Tell me about positive physical exam findings”
“Right. So on physical exam, there’s an open, 2 mm circular lesion draining blood-tinged pus. It is located midline in the—”
Buttcrack. The cyst was midline right in the kid’s buttcrack. But I can’t say buttcrack- that’s not the right medical term. How do you say it again? I know it’s gluteal something. Gluteal fold? No no, that’s different. Crap! How could I forget how to say buttcrack?!
I stare at the attending, hoping he gives me some kind of hint. He stares back at me, patiently waiting for me to finish describing my findings.
“It’s located uh…in the…uh…”
Don’t say buttcrack. Don’t say buttcrack. Don’t say buttcrack.
In desperation, I point at my own butt.
“It’s here. Except, you know, in the…uh…”
DON’T SAY BUTTCRACK
” …sacral area”
The attending raises an eyebrow.
“I think what you meant to say is gluteal cleft”
“Yes, the gluteal cleft”
He throws on his white coat.
“Okay cool. Let’s go drain it”