sarcasm

Honest Interview Answers

I think by now the M4s are sick of interviews. I’m now 2/3 done with mine. It really is the same song and dance over and over and over again. After a certain point you know what to expect and over time, you develop a perfected answer for every commonly asked interview question. The following is how applicants would answer questions if we truthfully said what we were really thinking.

 

“How was your trip into town?”

Time consuming and expensive.

 

“We have breakfast set up for you guys. Please help yourselves”

I’m already pretty sick of danish pastry spreads and mediocre coffee but I’m going to force myself to consume more because this is an interview

 

“What are your plans after the interview?”

Change into airplane clothes in a cramped hotel lobby bathroom

 

“I’m a resident, feel free to ask me anything you want. I promise I won’t tell anyone”

You seem pretty chill, but I’m scared this is a trap so instead, I’m going to ask you a pretty standard and safe question.

 

“How was the pre-interview dinner?”

  • Option 1: It was awkward. Your residents are weird
  • Option 2: Residents were cool but one of the other applicants was weird

 

“Describe to me what you’re looking for in a program”

Free food, good pay, no call.

 

“What do you do in your spare time?”

Binge-watch shows on Netflix.

 

“If you’re free from 1-5 you’re welcomed to stay for didactics”

DEAR GOD NO

 

“Do you have any more questions for me?”

No, just like how I didn’t have any more questions 5 minutes ago. Also, spoiler alert: I won’t have questions in 2 minutes when you ask me again.

 

“You’re not from the area. Why did you apply here?”

Because I want a f***ing job next year!

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Children

Me talking to a 6 year old kid:

“Can you point to where it hurts?”

<patient points to bellybutton>

“I see. And does the pain radiate?”

“Does it what?”

“Oh sorry. I mean, does it feel like the pain spreads to other parts of your body?”

“Umm…no??

“Okay, and on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the most unbearable pain you’ve ever had, how would you rate the pain?”

Definitely a 10″

“Wow, okay. I’m sorry to hear that. We’ll do our best to make you feel better okay? I’m just going to chat with the doctor real quick”

The patient nods.

I step out of the room as the patient’s mother approaches me.

“I just want to say that I think it’s so great the way you talked to my little boy about his stomach ache. I’ve read online that it’s really important to speak to children like they’re an adult because it improves their social development. So thank you for that!”

“Oh…Uh..Yeah, sure. No problem”

The truth is I have no idea how to talk to children and pretty much just talk to them like they’re adults.

At this point I can definitely say I won’t be going into peds.

 

-NB